The Awkward One

Don't get the wrong idea about the part "I like to be with", nothing to do with liking with affection.
What I meant is that I like, as a person - personality, character, you just you la, nothing else.

I have come across a few people that I really enjoy the company, like really really wanna hang out with them 24/7. But instead of making it happen, I wait.
Like, wait for an invitation to hang out together which makes it worse to know a person that I love to hang out with better.
I really appreciate the inner circle friends I had but I am really hopeless if I want to make friends by myself. I shiver at the thought of going up to someone and say "hi, what's your name,".

I dont know what am I afraid of. And I know it is stupid and that they will not eat me up. I probably worry too much to the extent that I plan what to say and how to end a conversation and I am tired of doing that. If you were to throw me with a person that I just met and happen to be taking the same route home, I will freak out and plan for a detour to avoid such awkwardness. But to be honest, I really want to know my friends better.

If I really like a person, I tend to observe their every moves and what they say which is kind of weird for me and I worry I will not be able to click with them. Again, I would like to stress that "like" in this context has nothing to do with affection.
Therefore, I have only a few friends which are really close ones because they start the invitation first and initiation first. Pretty terrible, huh? I hate this part of me too to be sitting around and wait for invites.

I really feel blessed if the friend that I am making with talks A LOT and is funny, then this will make me open up and talk more too. Sucks to be a calefare la sometimes when I am actually the nosiest when I am with my group of friends. Trying to be like that infront of a person you just knew is kind of hard because you will not know if will the person like it or will the person judge you. Then there goes a saying that real friends are the ones that accepts your flaws and not judge you. But then again, not everyone is able to tank my goofiness and blondness lol because I can be super blonde which makes me embarrassed too la. (dont like that)

My boyfriend urged me to go have lunch with my new friends when I entered Uni but it is pretty hard for me unless I have a companion with me. I know that some things I just need to do alone but miraculously, I survived uni and made new friends, and still surviving lol.

What I really hope for is to have a good bunch of friends when I graduate because it will be the last time of my life to taste the life of a sophomore and engage in childish activities instead of adult business, and of course to keep in contact with them, you know what I mean?